Second Life

Ric Hoogestraat sits at his computer with the blinds drawn, smoking a cigarette. He chats online with a tall, slim redhead while his wife, Sue, watches television in the living room.

'Curiosly Real Dimensions'

He's never met the woman outside of the computer world of Second Life, a well-chronicled digital fantasyland with more than eight million registered 'residents' who get jobs, attend concerts and date other users. He's never so much as spoken to her on the telephone. But their relationship has taken on curiously real dimensions.

They own two dogs, pay a mortgage together and spend hours shopping at the mall and taking long motorcycle rides. Their bond is so strong that three months ago, Mr. Hoogestraat asked Janet Spielman, the 38-year-old Canadian woman who controls the redhead, to become his virtual wife.

The woman he's legally wed to is not amused. Says Sue Hoogestraat, 58, an export agent for a shipping company, who has been married to Mr. Hoogestraat for seven months:

"It's really devastating. You try to talk to someone or bring them a drink, and they'll be having sex with a cartoon."

Only a Game

Mr. Hoogestraat plays down his online relationship, assuring his wife that it's only a game. While many busy people can't fathom the idea of taking on another set of commitments, especially imaginary ones, Second Life and other multiplayer games are moving into the mainstream.

The site now has more than eight million registered 'residents,' up from 100,000 in January 2006. A typical 'gamer' spends 20 to 40 hours a week in a virtual world.

Says Byron Reeves, a professor of communication at Stanford University:

"People respond to interactive technology on social and emotional levels much more than we ever thought. People feel bad when something bad happens to their avatar, and they feel quite good when something good happens."

Bounced Between Jobs

Before discovering Second Life, Mr. Hoogestraat had bounced between places and jobs, working as an elementary schoolteacher and a ski instructor, teaching computer graphics and spending two years on the road selling herbs and essential oils at Renaissance fairs.

Mr. Hoogestraat was fascinated by the virtual world's free-wheeling, Vegas-like atmosphere. With his computer graphics background, he quickly learned how to build furniture and design clothing.

Mr. Hoogestraat's real-life wife is losing patience with her husband's second life:

"It's sad; it's a waste of human life. Everybody has their hobbies, but when it's from six in the morning until two in the morning, that's not a hobby, that's your life."

Online Support Group

Mrs. Hoogestraat joined an online support group for spouses of obsessive online gamers called EverQuest Widows, named after another popular online fantasy game that players call Evercrack.

Mrs. Hoogestraat says she's not ready to separate.

"I'm not a monster; I can see how it fulfills parts of his life that he can no longer do because of physical limitations, because of his age. His avatar, it's him at 25. He's a good person. He's just fallen down this rabbit hole."

Better Than Real Life

Sitting alone in the living room in front of the television, Mrs. Hoogestraat says she worries it will be years before her husband realizes that he's traded his real life for a pixilated fantasy existence, one that doesn't include her.

"Basically, the other person is widowed. This other life is so wonderful; it's better than real life. Nobody gets fat, nobody gets gray. The person that's left can't compete with that."

From an article appearing in the Wall Street Journal by Alexandra Alter on August 10, 2007.